I love The Bible. I’m not a churchgoer and I don’t attempt to live my life according to the interpretations of “teachings” in the Old or New Testament. I just love the book.
It is, after all, our oldest collection of letters and short stories. Which of those parables, lessons and songs are based in fact has been the one unsolved mystery that has driven many scholars’ careers.
Did Noah’s Ark exist?
Was Jesus a man?
If Adam and Eve had three sons, how did the world get populated?
I don’t know (and neither do you); religion doesn’t ask us to prove anything. It asks us to believe.
No, this is not a sermon. Instead, it is a tale about a man named Jeff Bush from Florida who was swallowed by the Earth. His tale did not happen in some long forgotten century before lines of communication. Instead, this poor fellow fell asleep in his bungalow and no one knows if he ever woke up again. What we theorize is that a sinkhole opened beneath his house and he fell to his death, now buried in rubble yards beneath the surface of the planet. Rescuers have yet to find his body.
Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Lot’s wife (nameless) looked back on Sodom and was turned to salt.
Jeff Bush was swallowed by the Earth.
All that’s left now is to come up with the “why”. Depending on your end game, you could pick any number of horrible sins the man from Seffner, Florida, committed and use the story as your own pulpit weapon. Tell that lesson-story enough over a long enough period of time and, well, you’ve got yourself a genuine one hundred percent parable, brothers and sisters.
Two, three thousand years from now? There might be a Book of Jeff, alongside letters from the AFL-CIO to the FBI describing how St. Jimmy Hoffa was taken from this world. Turn the page and read the tale of Amelia Earhart flying directly to Heaven.
Scoff if you must (go ahead, I’ll wait) but once a really little guy beat the crap out of a really big bully and somebody decided to use that schoolyard fight between David and “the Goliath” as the framework to bring the masses closer to God.
That’s why I love the Bible.
It’s kind of like a really old version of “Unsolved Mysteries”.
Minus Robert Stack.