If you ask successful people how they came upon their prosperity, don’t expect to hear any of that nonsense about luck, fortune and timing. Most will proceed directly to overstating the powers of positive thinking and hard work. I consider myself to be a success. I don’t work particularly hard and I make a good living.

Hooray for me.

If you asked me how I got here, I’d tell you the truth.

Blackmail.

It doesn’t work for everybody. I can’t guarantee that you’ll be lucky enough to walk in on your boss engaged in relations with a farm animal, as I did to gain this position. That’s a one-in-a-million (or one in eight-or-nine in my chosen field); you can’t depend on luck. In the meantime, I suggest, instead, relying on the power of positive thinking.

Think positively.

Believe in yourself.

If you believe in yourself and your ability to discover your boss in a “compromising position”, one that will all but guarantee your climb up the corporate ladder, I assure you, it will eventually happen.

It happened to me.

But, be warned. Believing in the power of positive thinking is not that easy. In fact, it is very hard work. It’s a lifestyle. It’s a belief. It’s a religion. You have to hang posters that spout inane reinforcing statements all over your cubicle. Two mountain climbers are silhouetted against a peak. Teamwork. The tide has just gone out; it’s sunset at the salt marsh. Determination. If you’re not the type who connects the dots of salt marsh and determination, don’t panic. Merely surround yourself with other positive thinking people. You can do it. You’re a mountain climber. You’re a salt marsh. To stay positive, constantly find others who are staying positive to prop up your sorry, no-career ass.

Not me, but thanks for the consideration.

Fortunately, I read a lot of gibberish, and so, I have found that guy in the news. Your positive thinking man has arrived. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you John Hinckley, Senior. Mr. Hinckley is the father of John Hinckley, Junior, the once mentally deranged man who shot President Ronald Reagan, Press Secretary James Brady, Secret Service Agent Tim McCarthy and Police Officer Thomas DeLanty as they left an AFL-CIO Convention after the president’s speech in March of 1981.

Ronald Reagan was the not the first President of the United States Hinckley considered stalking. A few years prior to the AFL-CIO shootings, he made plans to assassinate President Jimmy Carter. Those plans failed when Hinckley was arrested on an unrelated weapons charge.

He was not well.

And so, John Hinckley, Junior was found to be not guilty by reason of insanity. While being treated for his obvious mental illness, John confessed that his plots to kill the leaders of the free world stemmed from his need to impress a girl – specifically, a character in a movie played by a girl, the actress Jodie Foster. Hinckley had become obsessed with Foster’s portrayal of a young prostitute in the movie Taxi Driver, a film in which Robert DeNiro plays a mentally deranged man who plots to kill a presidential candidate. John’s obsession for the character soon became a compulsion for Foster’s attention. He wrote her. He tried to call her. He followed her. Seemingly unable to impress her, he then planned to kill the President of the United States.

For her.

In the summer of 2005, after nearly twenty five years of incarceration and medication, Hinckley asked to be released to live among the rest of us, a weekend at a time. Doctors testified they felt as though he was ready to attempt to live as a free man and a judge, reading their reports, granted John that freedom. And so, since 2005, for four days each month, John Hinckley, Junior has been allowed to live with his parents at their home in an “unsupervised situation.” Thus far there have been no problems reported although Hinckley continues to ingest a handful of mood enhancing pills every few hours, by doctors’ orders.

It’s an interesting and somewhat uplifting story of rehabilitation and rebirth, of parents’ never-ending love and support for their offspring, no matter how damaged that child may have become. I can’t begin to imagine what John Hinckley’s parents have been through. How do you deal with such a thing? Do you turn your backs? The Hinckleys stuck it out, all the way. They found their son help. It doesn’t seem as though they ever gave up on him, even when he was at his worst.

While living in California in the 1970’s, Hinckley would write home to tell his parents of his relationship with a woman named Lynn Collins, about how they were planning a wedding and someday raising a family. It wasn’t until after the Reagan assassination attempt that his parents learned Lynn Collins, like most of Hinckley’s world, was a complete fabrication. Imaginary. She never existed. He had a definite relationship with her, say experts. Just as he had one with a woman he had seen on a movie screen when she was a thirteen-year old girl – Jodie Foster. Having lived through all that, John’s parents never gave up.

Which brings us to the power of positive thinking.

In an interview his father, John Hinckley, Senior, stated that he thinks John is ready to “attempt a new relationship with a woman, perhaps one that would lead to marriage.”

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you and example of positive thinking.

Ladies? Who will be the first? Step up to the plate. Come on! It’s just dinner and a movie. How about renting Jodie Foster, starring in “Taxi Driver”?

He’s better now – we promise.

Positively.

It’s amazing what drugs and therapy can do. For all we know, John Hinckley could be a fully functional, happy human being. But all the therapy and mother’s love in the world does not erase the past.

That leaves only the power of positive thinking.

If John Hinckley’s Dad can believe that, one day, some wonderful young lady will be able to see past all that “nasty business in the 80’s” and surrender herself to long walks in the park with a failed assassin, does that not open a door that allows you to see right past that idiot who somehow got the Regional Sales Manager’s job instead of you, right

Stay positive.

Eventually, he’ll screw up.

They’ll give the job to you.

If you need further help, I’m considering putting together a series of positive reinforcement posters to hang on your cubicle wall. The first will feature a soft-focus photo of a beach at sunset along with the words “You talkin’ to me!?” - the motivational words of the late, great Travis Bickel - printed in a nice, swirling, happy typeface.

Then again, you can always hope for blackmail.