Randy killed us with the bit this morning! So funny.
This is Big Nick. There is a wolf spider the size of a clementine in his bathroom.
Big Nick wants to kill the spider. His weapon of choice: BRASS KNUCKLES!
I feel like Big Nick just always picks the wrong weapon for everything.
"Hey Big Nick, you want to go hunting?"
"Yeah, sure. Let me just grab my flame-thrower."
He said that by not revealing her plastic surgery to him before the marriage, she tricked him. He sued her for "False Pretenses."
The judge sided with Feng and ordered the wife to pay him $120,000
Are there lawyers that hang outside the maternity wards in China?
"Looks like you have yourself an ugly little baby sir. You might be entitled to a settlement!"
In America, if a dad is disappointed with his children, he makes a video of himself shooting their laptop with a 45 pistol and posts it to their facebook wall.
In Britain, if a dad is disappointed with his children, he composes a very well written letter expressing in great detail the many ways in which they suck.
Man I hope I never am compelled to write a letter like this. Or shoot my daughters computer.
Dear All Three
With last evening's crop of whinges and tidings of more rotten news for which you seem to treat your mother like a cess-pit, I feel it is time to come off my perch.
It is obvious that none of you has the faintest notion of the bitter disappointment each of you has in your own way dished out to us. We are seeing the miserable death throes of the fourth of your collective marriages at the same time we see the advent of a fifth.
We are constantly regaled with chapter and verse of the happy, successful lives of the families of our friends and relatives and being asked of news of our own children and grandchildren. I wonder if you realise how we feel — we have nothing to say which reflects any credit on you or us. We don't ask for your sympathy or understanding — Mum and I have been used to taking our own misfortunes on the chin, and making our own effort to bash our little paths through life without being a burden to others. Having done our best — probably misguidedly — to provide for our children, we naturally hoped to see them in turn take up their own banners and provide happy and stable homes for their own children.
Fulfilling careers based on your educations would have helped — but as yet none of you is what I would confidently term properly self-supporting. Which of you, with or without a spouse, can support your families, finance your home and provide a pension for your old age? Each of you is well able to earn a comfortable living and provide for your children, yet each of you has contrived to avoid even moderate achievement. Far from your children being able to rely on your provision, they are faced with needing to survive their introduction to life with you as parents. So we witness the introduction to this life of six beautiful children — soon to be seven — none of whose parents have had the maturity and sound judgment to make a reasonable fist at making essential threshold decisions. None of these decisions were made with any pretence to ask for our advice.
In each case we have been expected to acquiesce with mostly hasty, but always in our view, badly judged decisions. None of you has done yourself, or given to us, the basic courtesy to ask us what we think while there was still time finally to think things through. The predictable result has been a decade of deep unhappiness over the fates of our grandchildren. If it wasn't for them, Mum and I would not be too concerned, as each of you consciously, and with eyes wide open, crashes from one cock-up to the next. It makes us weak that so many of these events are copulation-driven, and then helplessly to see these lovely little people being so woefully let down by you, their parents.
I can now tell you that I for one, and I sense Mum feels the same, have had enough of being forced to live through the never-ending bad dream of our children's underachievement and domestic ineptitudes. I want to hear no more from any of you until, if you feel inclined, you have a success or an achievement or a REALISTIC plan for the support and happiness of your children to tell me about. I don't want to see your mother burdened any more with your miserable woes - it's not as if any of the advice she strives to give you has ever been listened to with good grace - far less acted upon. So I ask you to spare her further unhappiness. If you think I have been unfair in what I have said, by all means try to persuade me to change my mind. But you won't do it by simply whingeing and saying you don't like it. You'll have to come up with meaty reasons to demolish my points and build a case for yourself. If that isn't possible, or you simply can't be bothered, then I rest my case.
I am bitterly, bitterly disappointed.
"Germany to ban sex with animals after huge rise in farm yard pimping"
Not making that up. That's a real headline. Click the pic of the Llama that is now in the witness protection program for the story.
A bunch of animals were being pimped out at an "Erotic Zoo." Not making that up either.
Jamison Hensley from ESPN.com reports that BIG BEN could be back for the big game vs. the Ravens.
Also incase you spent Thankgiving break under a rock, little Ben Roethlisberger was welcomed into the world. Little Ben is currently 4th on the Steelers QB depth chart.
From Big Ben's Facebook Page Thanksgiving morning:
We would like to let everyone know that last night at 10:06 PM Ashley and I welcomed a healthy, beautiful baby boy into this world.
Benjamin Jr. is 7 lbs. 1 oz. and 19-1/2 inches long.
Both mom and baby are doing well.
We want to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers, it really means a lot to us. God is so good!
We will have pictures to post this weekend. We hope you have a very Happy Thanksgiving! – Ben, Ashley, and Benjamin
I have been showing my daughter Kennedy her highlights non-stop for the past week.
Samantha joined the NFL Network crew and got to tackle Marshall Faulk. I wish she would have chop blocked Warren Sapp.